Jimmy Palmer's hilariously inappropriate moments
Jimmy: “When I was a kid, I used to bury our pets under our porch, until my mom found out. She was pretty upset.”
Ducky: “They didn’t want you to bury your pets?”
Jimmy: “Well, we lived on the tenth floor of an apartment building.”
Ducky: (beat) “Right.” (2.6)
“I always say, you can pick your nose but you can’t pick your family!” (3.14)
Jimmy has to cut off some tissue samples of the severed head for Abby. He stands over the head with a scalpel and grins. “So. White meat or dark?” Best. Line. Ever. Abby wrinkles her nose. Jimmy guesses that was inappropriate, and Abby says, “With a big dash of creepy.” Whatever. Jimmy thinks he needs to work on his delivery. (3.15)
Ducky: “To assume, is to make an enemy of exactitude, Mr Palmer.”
Jimmy: “Because it makes an ass out of you and me!” (3.20)
While exiting a hotel room with strips of flesh and blood everywhere, Jimmy tells the entering team, “I’d take an umbrella if you go in there.” (3.21)
When asked if he’ll help save Ziva, Jimmy stutters, “Um, I’m not exactly the type who would do well in prison, guys.”
Tony: “No one’s going to think any less of you if you want out, Palmer.”
Jimmy: “Really?”
Tony: “Well, no. They probably would. At least, I know I would.”
Jimmy: “All right, then I want a code name. Something cool-sounding.”
Tony: “How does Black Lung sound?”
Jimmy: “Like a horrible and painful way to die.”
Tony: “I mean, as your code name.”
Jimmy: (grinning) “Oh! I like it, yeah!” (4.1)
Re IUDs: “Is it just me? Or does anyone else wonder how they get those little things in there?” Ducky and Gibbs stare at him. Jimmy says, “That probably sounded a lot more inappropriate than I meant.” (4.11)
Ducky tells Gibbs and Ziva that every time he turns his back lately Mr Palmer is running off somewhere. Gibbs tells him that he should start smacking Jimmy on the back of the head—it worked wonders on DiNozzo and McGee. Ducky says he did do that, but “Mr Palmer seemed to enjoy it”. HA! (4.19)
When Ducky says that a guy who dies at 4am was an early riser, Jimmy cracks, “An early demiser.” (5.17)
When Abby hypnotizes Jimmy and asks him to imagine picking up the passport he found at the scene of the crime, Jimmy instead imagines picking up Ziva’s boot (light brown leather boot, size 7.5). Abby chastises him, and at the mention of Abby's name Jimmy recites "black, high platforms, size 10". So…Jimmy’s got a thing for women’s shoes. (5.17)
Awkwardly explaining his sexual encounters with Agent Lee to Vance and Gibbs, Palmer admits that they got it on in the paint locker (whatever in Sam Hell that is). “I think she got off on the fumes.” (6.1)
When they prepare to get a dead body hanging from the ceiling down, Palmer holds out a knife to McGee and asks, “Catch or cut?” McGee takes the knife. He’ll do the cutting. (6.5)
Jimmy holds a bone saw up with a smile and declares, “This never gets old,” before sawing off the top of a dude’s skull. Oh, Jimmy! You morbid little so-and-so. (6.6)
Ducky: “Mother and I caught two [Cirque du Soleil] shows in one evening. She is an admirer, to say the least.”
Jimmy: Aren’t we all?”
Ducky: “Not like my mother. She had an infatuation for one of the tumblers. For quite some time.”
Jimmy [intensely]: “Mark or Ignacio?”
Ducky: [worried look]
Jimmy: “I followed Ignacio’s career for some time. And he really was—”
Gibbs: “Why don’t you quit while you’re behind, Palmer?”
Jimmy: “Quitting, sir.” (6.16)
Jimmy feels slighted by Intern Sarah Knox, who gets along famously with Ducky. He finds them singing Scotland the Brave together in autopsy, and upon finding out that she has Scottish heritage, Jimmy passive-aggressives, “Scotland? Wow. That’s great. When are you leaving?” Intern Knox hopes she never has to leave. She tells him that Ducky took her to a crime scene, which was very exciting. Jimmy is all smiles as he gets on with hating her guts. It’s brilliant. (8.2)
As McGee starts to get into the hot tub in gumboots, he realises they’re not tall enough to stop water coming in, and protests having to get in.
McGee: “Ooh, Archimedes’ Theory, boss. My foot mass is going to displace enough liquid to breach over the top of the boots.”
With Tony nodding gleefully behind him, Jimmy does his best Ducky impersonation and responds: “It’s more than a theory. It’s a proven scientific fact, McGee.”
He does not add “you dumbass”, but his tone definitely suggests it. (8.4)
At the crime scene, Tony and Jimmy talk about how much they love the grape-squishing scene from I Love Lucy, until Gibbs gives them the stink eye. Jimmy catches himself, and admits he’s being inappropriate. That’s why it’s in this category, my dear. (8.4)
Gibbs notices Jimmy carefully slicing up an organ in autopsy, and asks, “What’re you doing, Palmer? Making lunch?” Jimmy jokes, “A lung sandwich?” Gibbs stares. Jimmy backpedals, “I am so sorry. Not a sandwich.” (8.4)
Upon arriving at a scene where a pedestrian was hit by a bus, Jimmy laments, “Walk on the green, not in between.” He gets an impassive look from Ducky, and his smile drops. “I am so sorry. I used to say that to myself when I was a kid whenever I wandered into…” He stops as the rest of the team stares at him. “Never mind.” You know what, Team Gibbs? That’s actually a really good pedestrian safety rhyme for the kiddies out there. Stop giving Jimmy shit when he’s just trying to be helpful. God! (8.6)
Upon finding a dead body that’s flattened some shrubbery, Palmer jokes, “Guess I’m not the only one who kills plants. Back in college my friends used to call me Black Thumb. They still do, actually. But now it’s because I work with dead people, and…[catches the others staring at him] So not important.” He’s grinning a Palmer grin through the whole thing, and oh my God, Brian Dietzen is freaking hilarious. (8.13)
Ducky: “It’s not uncommon for killers to find themselves unusually hungry after the act [of killing]. It is uncommon, however, to find them disposing of the evidence in such a stylish bag.”
Jimmy (smiling knowingly): “Actually, it’s a knock-off. You can tell by the stitching here and how steep the curves are in the ‘C’s.” (I assume it’s a Chanel knock-off.) (8.16)
Ducky: “They didn’t want you to bury your pets?”
Jimmy: “Well, we lived on the tenth floor of an apartment building.”
Ducky: (beat) “Right.” (2.6)
“I always say, you can pick your nose but you can’t pick your family!” (3.14)
Jimmy has to cut off some tissue samples of the severed head for Abby. He stands over the head with a scalpel and grins. “So. White meat or dark?” Best. Line. Ever. Abby wrinkles her nose. Jimmy guesses that was inappropriate, and Abby says, “With a big dash of creepy.” Whatever. Jimmy thinks he needs to work on his delivery. (3.15)
Ducky: “To assume, is to make an enemy of exactitude, Mr Palmer.”
Jimmy: “Because it makes an ass out of you and me!” (3.20)
While exiting a hotel room with strips of flesh and blood everywhere, Jimmy tells the entering team, “I’d take an umbrella if you go in there.” (3.21)
When asked if he’ll help save Ziva, Jimmy stutters, “Um, I’m not exactly the type who would do well in prison, guys.”
Tony: “No one’s going to think any less of you if you want out, Palmer.”
Jimmy: “Really?”
Tony: “Well, no. They probably would. At least, I know I would.”
Jimmy: “All right, then I want a code name. Something cool-sounding.”
Tony: “How does Black Lung sound?”
Jimmy: “Like a horrible and painful way to die.”
Tony: “I mean, as your code name.”
Jimmy: (grinning) “Oh! I like it, yeah!” (4.1)
Re IUDs: “Is it just me? Or does anyone else wonder how they get those little things in there?” Ducky and Gibbs stare at him. Jimmy says, “That probably sounded a lot more inappropriate than I meant.” (4.11)
Ducky tells Gibbs and Ziva that every time he turns his back lately Mr Palmer is running off somewhere. Gibbs tells him that he should start smacking Jimmy on the back of the head—it worked wonders on DiNozzo and McGee. Ducky says he did do that, but “Mr Palmer seemed to enjoy it”. HA! (4.19)
When Ducky says that a guy who dies at 4am was an early riser, Jimmy cracks, “An early demiser.” (5.17)
When Abby hypnotizes Jimmy and asks him to imagine picking up the passport he found at the scene of the crime, Jimmy instead imagines picking up Ziva’s boot (light brown leather boot, size 7.5). Abby chastises him, and at the mention of Abby's name Jimmy recites "black, high platforms, size 10". So…Jimmy’s got a thing for women’s shoes. (5.17)
Awkwardly explaining his sexual encounters with Agent Lee to Vance and Gibbs, Palmer admits that they got it on in the paint locker (whatever in Sam Hell that is). “I think she got off on the fumes.” (6.1)
When they prepare to get a dead body hanging from the ceiling down, Palmer holds out a knife to McGee and asks, “Catch or cut?” McGee takes the knife. He’ll do the cutting. (6.5)
Jimmy holds a bone saw up with a smile and declares, “This never gets old,” before sawing off the top of a dude’s skull. Oh, Jimmy! You morbid little so-and-so. (6.6)
Ducky: “Mother and I caught two [Cirque du Soleil] shows in one evening. She is an admirer, to say the least.”
Jimmy: Aren’t we all?”
Ducky: “Not like my mother. She had an infatuation for one of the tumblers. For quite some time.”
Jimmy [intensely]: “Mark or Ignacio?”
Ducky: [worried look]
Jimmy: “I followed Ignacio’s career for some time. And he really was—”
Gibbs: “Why don’t you quit while you’re behind, Palmer?”
Jimmy: “Quitting, sir.” (6.16)
Jimmy feels slighted by Intern Sarah Knox, who gets along famously with Ducky. He finds them singing Scotland the Brave together in autopsy, and upon finding out that she has Scottish heritage, Jimmy passive-aggressives, “Scotland? Wow. That’s great. When are you leaving?” Intern Knox hopes she never has to leave. She tells him that Ducky took her to a crime scene, which was very exciting. Jimmy is all smiles as he gets on with hating her guts. It’s brilliant. (8.2)
As McGee starts to get into the hot tub in gumboots, he realises they’re not tall enough to stop water coming in, and protests having to get in.
McGee: “Ooh, Archimedes’ Theory, boss. My foot mass is going to displace enough liquid to breach over the top of the boots.”
With Tony nodding gleefully behind him, Jimmy does his best Ducky impersonation and responds: “It’s more than a theory. It’s a proven scientific fact, McGee.”
He does not add “you dumbass”, but his tone definitely suggests it. (8.4)
At the crime scene, Tony and Jimmy talk about how much they love the grape-squishing scene from I Love Lucy, until Gibbs gives them the stink eye. Jimmy catches himself, and admits he’s being inappropriate. That’s why it’s in this category, my dear. (8.4)
Gibbs notices Jimmy carefully slicing up an organ in autopsy, and asks, “What’re you doing, Palmer? Making lunch?” Jimmy jokes, “A lung sandwich?” Gibbs stares. Jimmy backpedals, “I am so sorry. Not a sandwich.” (8.4)
Upon arriving at a scene where a pedestrian was hit by a bus, Jimmy laments, “Walk on the green, not in between.” He gets an impassive look from Ducky, and his smile drops. “I am so sorry. I used to say that to myself when I was a kid whenever I wandered into…” He stops as the rest of the team stares at him. “Never mind.” You know what, Team Gibbs? That’s actually a really good pedestrian safety rhyme for the kiddies out there. Stop giving Jimmy shit when he’s just trying to be helpful. God! (8.6)
Upon finding a dead body that’s flattened some shrubbery, Palmer jokes, “Guess I’m not the only one who kills plants. Back in college my friends used to call me Black Thumb. They still do, actually. But now it’s because I work with dead people, and…[catches the others staring at him] So not important.” He’s grinning a Palmer grin through the whole thing, and oh my God, Brian Dietzen is freaking hilarious. (8.13)
Ducky: “It’s not uncommon for killers to find themselves unusually hungry after the act [of killing]. It is uncommon, however, to find them disposing of the evidence in such a stylish bag.”
Jimmy (smiling knowingly): “Actually, it’s a knock-off. You can tell by the stitching here and how steep the curves are in the ‘C’s.” (I assume it’s a Chanel knock-off.) (8.16)
